We first decided we were ready for children around 4 years into our relationship.
We were pretty solid relationship wise we were engaged to be married and extremely happy and content.
We were financially comfortable both of us working full time jobs, we were about to get on the housing ladder so we had a secure and stable environment to bring a baby into. I think this is really important.
My personal opinion is that if you’re not in a good place whether that’s mentally, financially or you’re in a toxic relationship then don’t bring a baby into it until you’re OK having a baby isn’t something to take lightly you’re responsible for another life for at least 18 years. Everything you do and say will mold this tiny, impressionable human being into the adult they become.
Having said that I do know people that have had unplanned pregnancies and I hold no judgement towards them – as long as the babies are healthy, happy and safe.
We had no idea how to go about starting a family despite spending hours and hours painlessly browsing the Internet for answers.
We visited our GP and to be honest we didn’t get very far at all – my GP advised me to look online!
So we were back to square one..browsing internet pages.
We did find out however, that in order for me to be the legal parent given that we had agreed Mickie would be the biological mum we would have to either be married (or civil partnered) or I would have to adopt the baby.
This wasn’t a big deal to us as we were engaged and planning to marry within the next couple of years but it did mean we’d have to put our plans on hold.
That was until I came across a website that recommended a reproduction clinic in Leeds if you go through a licensed clinic your partner can automatically be listed on the birth certificate. I sent an email requesting some leaflets..anything to give us some information on what we needed to do.
A week or so later we received some leaflets that explained how we could get started. They recommended booking an appointment to have an initial conversation and we would go from there.
The leaflet explained the difference between IUI and IVF… IUI to put it simply is a fertility treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization.
Obviously being in a same sex relationship we would also require a sperm donor.
IVF is where the egg is physically removed from the woman and fertilised in a test tube which would have the man’s sperm in it.
With the leaflet came a price list now again we were confused as to whether we would be able to get funding for it or not.. different websites gave different advice.
The answer was that if there is nothing wrong with the biological mum i.e her reproductive system is working perfectly and she is fit and healthy then we would have to fund the treatment ourselves.
I understand that having children is our choice but it did seem unfair that despite us not having the right body parts to physically make a baby ourselves according to the NHS we don’t qualify for any help or funding.
We would have to pay for 6 attempts of IUI and if that didn’t work we would then get one free attempt at IVF.